PJS (Personal Journal Song): Bleeding Love by ASTR

I don’t remember when I created this blog. High school, senior year, but I don’t remember the specific date. Typically I’m decent with dates. It’s the little details that I remember: not all and not for everything. It’s particular what and how strikes my mind’s fancy.

I always knew I wanted to be a writer, but it was always hard to admit this to myself. Now a junior in college, I’m committing to this lifestyle but I’m fish out of water: I don’t know where to begin.

Rebel Revelations is something that I’ve called all my journals since 9th grade. I wrote journals, not diaries. There is a distinction: one is filled with complaints and every day drivel. The other is attempted to be written in sophisticated grace of acknowledging self and environmental observations that are analyzed.

Attempted is a too strong word. Oh, when I look back, there are actually “sentences” written in shorthand: you’s are written is “u”s, normal words have their vowels removed in attempt for it – to look cooler? To appear more in a texting language format? I’d have to ask my fourteen year old self but she isn’t around anymore.

Well, she is, as much as every age of I have been thus far rattles in me. We carry our past selves with us like a tattoo, but it’s our footfalls making the trek into the future that grounds us in the present. I can sit here writing this, the back of my mind thinking about earlier today while not knowing what’s going to happen in the next couple of minutes.

I wish I could have a tea party with my two other faces of time. I’d certainly have a headache but it would be interesting.

Revelation # _______ (I’ve had so many since I first started journaling that no number would be the correct one):

The choice I am making is scary. But putting myself out there can help ease me into a new era of understanding and creation hopefully. When I hit a wall trying to be motivated, it’s necessary to have a change in activity to spark the brain cells enough to get something done that day.

Also, an accomplishment should be defined by your measures and your goals of the day.

Key to remember: if someone walks into a room and smells strongly of a certain type of spiced soap that tingles your nose, leave.

 

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