One Month of Blogging!

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When I started this blog I wanted to claim its title that I share with my journals eight years and counting. I knew I wanted to showcase my work. I just didn’t know what I wanted to write.
Writing here wasn’t like my book writing projects. I struggled with giving it a purpose; my tagline represents this and finally after a month of daily effort, my blog is in sync: I find comfort in art and words and I hope whoever stumbles upon this page finds the gratification in knowing being lost is a part of the journey of becoming the person they want to be.
Learning that tagging allows people to find my blog was exciting. I only realized this in my month of dedication to my blog. In the past in attempt to set it up, I created various prose pieces about life and college in a personal journal format. This time having a plan allowed me to consider the other features of WordPress that was very beneficial.
The biggest take away from this experience was self-discovery. I loved waking up and writing. I loved writing when an idea struck in the afternoon and late at night. I loved being able to work on other projects during the day but returning to the blog to continue its purpose. My first true summer break gave me the privilege of doing what I love. In the coming chapters of my life when career and personal responsibilities take precedence, the luxury of writing on a frequent basis will be a challenge. But I can never stay away too long.

My freshman year in college I read an article in the Daily Targum, Rutgers’s newspaper, about Junot Diaz, the author of The Brief Wonderful Life of Oscar Wao. What drew me to the article was specifically that he lived in Demarest Hall all four years of his college experience – exactly what I planned to do (instead I lived there all three years before I graduated early). The dormitory is quite charming in appearance from the outside, but the indoor hovel is a disappointment to many. But if you are open-minded enough you quickly learn that the building has history and forums and a community that dares to be of independent thought. The building carries a stigma of anyone living there being weird but that only fascinated me. And when I read about the man who’s own experiences propelled him toward writing, I took his advice to heart. Four years later, I still remember it crisply: writing is like any other sport, it requires practice, practice, practice. Diaz shared that he spent five hours a day writing – the end product of which wasn’t necessarily good, but that wasn’t the goal. It was a part of the journey in which his persistence, determination, expression and love for language would in time pay off.
Now I wish I could go back and spend five hours a day writing but I did not do it then and as much as I tried this summer, I will not be able to continue to do so. But I will keep writing to get more practice to better my craft. Because when you commit to writing, it is more than a hobby.
Not everything you write will be good. And it doesn’t have to be – write your ideas down to edit or expand later. Each project you take on will undergo growing up: creation, reformatting, perfection, deletion, rewrite and editing and finally satisfaction. It can take hours to years, but the end product makes it worth it: to know you did it, articulated a message vibrantly and authentically that is ready to be shared.

This is only the beginning.

no hiatus

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i don’t understand
people who think nothing
my neurons are pinging
observing, analyzing, calculating
even my synapses daydream
in transmission
too much
indecisiveness is cumbersome
respite sought
behind closed eyelids movie begins
infamous past and illusioned future
even on a treadmill
my workout rivals my mental flow.

rush

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fumble to find my car keys
faster, mind screams
I press down on the gas
highway rules frowning
I can’t be home past nine
my curfew, weight of disapproval
awaits more anxiety inducing
than three hundred dollar ticket.
college graduate with a job
adult learning to pay bills
free time is valuable
yet mine is under speculation
so I drive a little faster
twenty miles over speed limit
to put the distance between
who I am and
who my parents want me to be.

from the other side of the bridge

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she sits next to a flowerbed writing
as I walk hand in hand with my partner
he stops to take a picture of us
but my eyes are on her
alone she looks up and smiles at the sun
I wonder if I’ll know that peace
he tugs my hand to get attention
approve our portrait
I look for her
an open space of who I could’ve grown to be.

A Lesson from Villains

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Today’s word of the day:

highfalutin 

adjective, [hahy-fuh-loot-n]

pompous, bombastic, haughty, pretentious

 

Every story needs an antagonist to further the story along. When I think of villain I think of the obvious character of Voldermort and Klaus from The Vampire Diaries. But special powers do not make for an evil person; within us there are irrational impulses that given a certain push in a circumstance renders our highfalutin self-serving actions to hurt those around us.

This summer I decided to rewatch Gossip Girl. Since the series concluded in 2012 with the explosive reveal that left the audience agape, I have been curious to see if there were signs weaved into the show all along depicting Dan’s shady other side, his Gossip Girl persona. Over the last five weeks I have gone on a journey with the characters and the storytellers, some scenes rushed and others repetitive, but the overall climatic surprises in the universe is pushed into happening by the characters themselves. Dan, Serena, Nate, Blair and Chuck may be the main character representatives of this fictional elite Manhattan society, but their personality roots depict the glimmer of darkness within all of us: the outsider looking in, the flighty one in face of issues, the integrity upholder full of lust, self-serving and the egomaniacal.

The show is addicting and it’s so easy to be self-flattered while watching it; I would never do such a thing. Hopefully that’s true and our self-control is in check. Yet their adept skills of preservation of their entitlement is an attitude we can glean insight from. If we look deeper into their set highfalutin ways, we’ll see that we can learn to be better. Not by not doing what they do; instead, finding the good intention in their misdeed and applying it to our lives.

 

  1. Villains have purpose.

Life does not have to be one big fight, but ambition is greatly rewarded – if you don’t sell your soul along the way.

  1. Villains believe in themselves.

Confidence sells. Why do you all those smooth talkers get their way? Hold back the flutters of anxiety and believe me, your thundering heart is only in your ears – smile and be poise. But remember, honesty plays into confidence too.

  1. Villains have history.

Whether we like it or not, our past is something that has happened – and we can let it inspire us. It’s a psychological fact that when you’re sad if you force yourself to smile a few times repeatedly, eventually your body and mind will relax and give into a real smile. Similarly, you have the ability to control your past. Who better to retell than you with the twist of an air of dramedy? Your openness will be charming and your grudges won’t be your weaknesses.

  1. Villains have style.

Shopping on a budget is always hard, but if you flaunt yourself proudly in vibrant and bold attire, your clothing will speak of your formidably just as a peacock’s feathers.

  1. Villains have henchmen.

It’s good to ask for help. It allows for trust to build in the relationships around you and helps create a balanced team. But if you want to be the continued leader in your partnership, always maintain a decisive tone in voicing your vision and don’t be afraid to cut out those who don’t support.

 

Bottomline: a little self-interest and self-promotion can go a long way – you just want to make sure it doesn’t corrupt you.