i forgot what it was like to be overwhelmed by work, twelve and an all-a student i carried myself proudly, sang sk8er boi the arrogant attagirl, my haughtiness assured me i would ace myself into honors – but i didn’t, thirteen and banal with my band of b’s by fourteen my shift stick cognitive dissonance controlled cynicism, carefree but too caustic, careless – i passed into AP to retain the title of smart but my effort was sour, like milk i was curdled all four years.
university took me under quickly, still riding on senioritis, i underestimated the expectations of me, evenly i effaced on class ranks eventually floundering enough to reevaluate, digging deep into my prideful gusto i grasped at my grated up grit,
now or never.
1.8 GPA to graduate in three years, i meet days when tasks take too long, frustration groans and inside fourteen first, fast flaring fire daring to tread dismissively but
there’s a reemergence, initial inciting put out, i impatiently answer the allure in checking my to-do boxes, the rush to answer a demand, to prove i am capable, the best, awesome as i tell myself
it’s a tick, i must do, compute, complete, compete
dormant but now reawakened, daring is an addiction, my plate’s full but my eyes hunger to fill in the white space in my planner