type a personality

i forgot what it was like to be overwhelmed by work, twelve and an all-a student i carried myself proudly, sang sk8er boi the arrogant attagirl, my haughtiness assured me i would ace myself into honors – but i didn’t, thirteen and banal with my band of b’s by fourteen my shift stick cognitive dissonance controlled cynicism, carefree but too caustic, careless – i passed into AP to retain the title of smart but my effort was sour, like milk i was curdled all four years.
university took me under quickly, still riding on senioritis, i underestimated the expectations of me, evenly i effaced on class ranks eventually floundering enough to reevaluate, digging deep into my prideful gusto i grasped at my grated up grit,
now or never.
1.8 GPA to graduate in three years, i meet days when tasks take too long, frustration groans and inside fourteen first, fast flaring fire daring to tread dismissively but
there’s a reemergence, initial inciting put out, i impatiently answer the allure in checking my to-do boxes, the rush to answer a demand, to prove i am capable, the best, awesome as i tell myself
it’s a tick, i must do, compute, complete, compete
dormant but now reawakened, daring is an addiction, my plate’s full but my eyes hunger to fill in the white space in my planner

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Lady

dresses are a must, skirts acceptable
stilettos occasionally, sneakers never
my attire set my mood: regal and haughty
still my knees buckled when I met him
he wasn’t a tramp but an underdog
bounding to success I gave unlimited support
but he didn’t want a sugar mama
my role obscure, left shadows behind
doing more rewarding than standing idly
i let my thunder outspeak
the swish and clack of my outfit

pity

the man of the house
at twice my age plus sixteen
he dabbles in stock investments
in the expanse of his early retirement
but mostly i see him news scrolling.
when middle-aged and struggling
he said¬†life’s a rigged game
he gave up then, settled on the couch
with his excuse to raise me
my mother the sole breadwinner
the newly appointed matriarch
rightfully so, she dealt with patients
came home cooked and cleaned and
criticized him with her newfound voice
that he loathed – he raised me to be
financially independent but decreed
i not move out until i marry.
an antiquated being
he kept me close i burned him too
even his spit could not subdue my fire.
insular he rigged his own fate
alone and waiting
the man of the house.